I’d like to personally thank the generous donor who made this post possible… we’ve never met, but I probably have some of your DNA or fingerprint on the outside of one or other of the small black bags full of dog shit that you so kindly deposited in my front garden!
I have no idea if this is the same person who over the last year has deposited coke cans and crisp bags, empty Polish vodka bottles and KFC boxes in my garden, on the wall or on top of my dustbins. Or indeed if is the same person who has filled my bins with bottles, bags of detritus and even an old school uniform and some shoes, but they most certainly share the same mentality.
They share it too with those senseless vandals that empty their car ashtrays in woodland car parks and, no doubt the geniuses who fly-tip everything, including the kitchen sink and builders rubble into many of the places I like to go birding.
These people would fail a citizenship hearing or an intelligence test and have neither common consideration nor fellow feeling for me or any other member of the wider society. I guess I should feel sympathy for these sociopaths, but, what the hell, they are incapable of empathising with me so stuff the lot of them.
And yet I do not, in one sense blame them. They are moronic, selfish and in every way beyond the pale but share a common heritage. Throughout the ages there have been the majority that keep their rude huts swept and caves clean and who have considerately carried out their ablutions down-river from the village; and there has been a minority that shit on their own doorsteps and shuffle about in the mire as well as kick their dung over societies walls.
Given this enduring heritage why are local authorities so completely brainless as to charge to take in commercial refuse and refuse entry to domestic re-cycling centres to anyone with a vehicle larger than a Chelsea Tractor (that’s a 4×4 for the uninformed).
Can these council clots not figure out that the cost of cleaning up the mess of the few fly-tipping fuckwits far outweighs the income derived from responsible residents and beneficent businesses?
Picture a similar scene at a roundabout today. A gull struggles by with its wings and neck caught up in a discarded blue plastic bag. Following patiently behind is a citizen of the world trying to release this unfortunate wild creature? Twenty unusually patient drivers cheer her on and then the inevitable white van driving airhead puts his foot on the gas and careers across the domed tarmac in his haste to get, no doubt to some quiet country lane to unload an aging three-piece suite and a decidedly non-flat-screen TV.
Doubtless he will later be down my road walking his American Pit-bull-Staffordshire crossbreed to the pub; his hand already inside a small black bag ready to scoop the poop and throw it among my daffodils!